Who is this lady with the frantic mind?

I am a single mom of 3 amazing kids! I mean it, they are truly amazing! My girls are 15, twins (what a blessing!) and my son is almost 10, a miracle in his own. We have at least a dozen projects going on at one time, so my blog will jump subjects a lot! My girls are in theater, the school newspaper and yearbook, honor roll, softball (when their knees allow it), Student Council, and they are both very artistic and talented! They are beautiful as well, so this mom is always on guard!! My son is amazing as well! He’s a very strong, courageous little boy! He’s had a long medical history, which really goes back to his birth. But we are so grateful for the doctors who’ve come to our life and made a difference for my son and our family! He has epilepsy among some other things (ADHD, NVLD-think a mild case of aspergers) but he’s too smart for his own good! And let me tell you, he is a looker 🙂 He loves to draw, he loves to take things apart and put them back together, usually inventing some new idea along the way. He knows everything about Star Wars and Ben10 and will tell you in his naturally loud voice. He’s a squirmer and fidgeter, it’s physically impossible for him to sit still. But he tries so hard to be ‘normal’ so he will be accepted by others and not stared at. He has to work very hard to achieve this for others. He is so kind to other kids that are different. He knows how it feels to be picked on, so he uses that knowledge to be a better person. And by seeing how others treat him and how it makes my son feel, my daughters are more aware and kind to others as well.

Ok, back to me, right? Well…let’s see… I work full-time so I am able to proudly say I fully financially support my family. Scratch that (editing July 15, 2012), after 12 years with my employer I found myself unemployed and without a plan. I am in a financial nightmare!  But somehow I eventually found peace(I think). I see things differently, people, life, I found time to laugh and breathe. I think I was long overdue for a vacation (12 years to be exact) and I am trying to look at this as a step forward instead of back. It’s not been easy by any means, but maybe god/karma/universe/whichever one is in control, had to find a way to lead me in a different direction, a better one. And since we don’t learn when things are easy, I had to get hit hard. I went through the grieving process. Anger came easily since I have survived enough tornadoes already. But I know there are lessons in pain. I’m trying to take the lessons from this so I can become a better person.

We never know what our purpose is, but we are unknowingly guided to do it

Life has directed me to step into things I never would have had an interest in. But as my dear friend Mary told me, “We never know what our purpose is, but we are unknowingly guided to do it” so life is guiding me. My son’s medical issues have taken me to new lands. I have learned what it really means to be your child’s advocate! I’m involved with special education, Rule 51, advocating and helping other parents do so. I’m involved with support groups for families affected by Epilepsy, and help raise funds for programs. My son’s difficult journey brought so many people into our lives that really sincerely care, my son and I decided we wanted to turn his story into a positive and help others.

One Day….

Our family project is “the forgotten ones” we want to work on setting up a sibling support group for the siblings of children with special needs. This came to me during my son’s recent hospital stay. My daughter was struggling with the situation and felt left out but those feelings also brought guilt for feeling that way. So much energy and time is spent on the child with issues, in my case for my son. And my daughter understood this, but still struggled a bit. Just acknowledging her feelings gave her so much relief, and letting her know it’s ok to feel that….it was a very touching moment, and a bonding experience for us. But that became the topic that we want to focus our energy on. One day we will have success with this.

Imagine 

You’re at the circus. There is so much going on, but you are drawn to the juggling act. Somehow this person is juggling several balls. And somehow they are smiling, and it appears this all comes naturally to them. Your intrigued, how do they manage to do that, round and round the juggling goes. And all the distractions around, lions and tigers walking on large balls, trapeze artists walking the tight rope, the beautiful ballerina walking on the back of a white horse,  sword swallowing artists, and fire-spitting men. Not to mention all the noise and colors. Then you look back to the juggler and think maybe they should kick it up a notch? Lets have someone throw a few more balls in to juggle! And at first the juggling act seems like it will be okay. The juggler’s face shows they are keeping on a brave face, but they are struggling..and then all the balls fall and bounce around on the floor. The juggler picks up a few and starts up again, then one at a time grabs another ball with their foot and somehow throws it up in their hands, adding to the juggling act. This is my frantic mind.  I have to many things bouncing around in my head, to many ideas, chores, and appointments. And when I get to many in there sometimes I drop all the balls and have to organize them and decide where to start and what to add so I can accomplish it all. Somethings are set aside temporarily. But they are still there, to be finished another day.

I am learning to accept I can’t change the world. Unfortunately, time is against me, there just aren’t enough hours in a day! Or energy…. But in small ways I’m learning to PAY IT FORWARD when I can. First for my family, then for others. Whether it’s to make sure my son’s IEP is accurate, or to go out of my way to cheer on a teacher or friend, or to just share information and resources for others to use when they need it, even donating time or the little bit of funds I can to help others. I have worn myself too thin (not physically! just mentally) and I need to find a balance which will help thisfranticmom be the best mom she can.