more complicated than expected….

Ok, so i started this blog as an effort to give myself an outlet for all my sarcasm that my kids don’t care for…but I have sat continually night after night for hours trying to figure out how to make my photos show up on here! It’s nearly 10:30pm, and I am completely exhausted! Why haven’t I found time to update this thing from work!?

So tonight I sat with my girls brainstorming our planned project…we want to begin a program of some type to support the siblings of special needs kids. After a dispute over chores and academics, we finally got down to business and I think we are off to a great start. The creative juices are flowing. Any tips or ideas anyone has to share are welcomed. Our project is “you’re not forgotten, you matter too!” We want it to have an outlet in some way for kids to reach out, anonymously, and share their feelings. But also open them up to what they haven’t likely considered…the simple fact that (as my dear mary says) the wheel that squeaks the loudest gets greased. ..or I mean, the child suffering from illness in some way has their needs prioritized. And the simple truth is there is only so much time in a day, and only so much a person can give of themself in a day, so what happens is the ‘healthy’ kids are placed on a back-burner. Not because they aren’t important, but because mom (or dad) doesn’t have the ability to think about anything but fixing their ‘sick’ child. I was (and still am) consumed by the drive to fix Ryan. To give him the chance to be a normal child. To scrape his knee from crashing his bike because he crashed his bike from a bumpy sidewalk….not because he had a seizure while he was trying to be normal… Truth is I know I have done more than many would. But it’s just not in me to pretend there isn’t something more I can do. And this journey has directed my family to so many amazing people, and families who have lifted our spirits when we were ready to quit! And we are so grateful for that! I just wish sometimes that my ‘normal’ kids wouldn’t fight all the time about who ate the last piece of popcorn from the bowl. I know it’s normal in some way….but this exhausted mom just doesn’t care who touched the darn bowl last….I just want one of them to put the darn bowl in the dishwasher without the 4 of us breaking out into a screaming match over who should do it!

With that, I’m signing off tonight. Hopefully I find out how to fix the pictures another day.

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A friend for Ryan

I need help buying my son a new dog. We must have a boxer, that’s what we know and they really are the perfect dog! Besides the gas and their sometimes stubbornness, ha-ha. There’s the initial fee to purchase the dog, then the fee to spay or neuter the dog, shots, micro-chip, flea treatment, heartworm pills, good quality food and toys, and the kicker?? The lesson this mom has learned? I am going to train our new dog to be my son’s seizure alert dog. It will then be a medical alert dog and we can take it wherever my son needs to be, even the hospital. Take that Katy!

I’ve set up an account with PayPal. If you would like to make a contribution to assist me in correcting my terrible wrong doing… The account for PayPal is allforryan@gmail.com.

Or you can send payments to:

Ryan Serrano 10-42, PO Box 98921, Lincoln NE 68509.

Please make check payable to: his foolish mom (ok, seriously better put my real name on it so we can cash the check) Heather Serrano, the funds will go to the “My Mom is the idiot that gave away my best friend!” fund.

  • Ryan is almost 10. He has had a very long road with medical issues. But he’s been a brave trooper the whole way.

    • Ryan has grown up with his best friend, a boxer I bought for the family when Ryan was 9 months old. Ryan called Bruzer his brother.

    • Truth is, I never would have imagined how much our family would love that dog! He comforted us, he stood guard to protect us, and he was silly and goofy when we needed a laugh!

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    • Bruzer was the strongest, bravest dog! (ok…maybe I’m exaggerating a little. But to us he was) But as they say, even the strong grow tired.

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    • Bruzer got sick. It was hard. It was sad. And it was too soon. He wasn’t even 8 years old. A brain tumor took our beloved Bruzy. We all cried for weeks. No more Bruzy toes tip-tapping on the floor, pacing the house as he made his rounds to each of our beds. No more slobbery kisses. No more drool thrown on the walls from him shaking his head. It’s crazy the things you miss when you lose someone.

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    • In an effort to heal our hearts, a friend found us Roxy. I initially said no. My heart hurt too much and I was not ready. Kids can talk you into just about anything though. And I couldn’t turn down her face! She was 2 and needing rescued from a bad situation. Potty training, done! Kennel training, done! She was perfect and she took immediately to Bruzy’s role.

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    • Truth is, I think Roxy was even better for Ryan. Just like Bruzy, she took to Ryan. She had the energy to run a hundred miles, just like Ryan! She was quick on her toes, which she needed for Ryan. It became Ryan and Roxy. My girls got a little older, too much of a social life J So Ryan had Roxy time. And a lot of it. They bonded. She knew how to cheer him up, nipping at his heels to make him play.

Ryan was hospitalized and Roxy suffered from missing him. She couldn’t eat, and she didn’t get her regular bathroom breaks as she needed. And like a good girl Roxy tried her hardest not to have any accidents in the house…even though it was understandable when she did. Roxy got so stressed, I had no time for anyone. I’d bring Ryan’s dirty shirt home from the hospital so she could smell it, and her nub would wiggle for a moment…then she’d get just as sad. I swear she knew the smell, she knew he was in the hospital and it made her sad.

I am a single mom, so to say I was exhausted is minimizing it. I had to work and get back and forth from the hospital, try to make time for my daughters because let’s face it, times like this proves the wheel that squeaks the loudest gets greased…I mean, we forget about the healthy kids. Not on purpose, but there is only so much time in a day and the sick need more from us…

This was a very hard time for me. I think I had a few nervous breakdowns, or maybe even a dozen! I reached to what family and friends I could ask to keep her, even just a few days. I begged even! There was no one. Roxy toughed it out with us. Ryan was released with a diagnosis of Epilepsy. A very long list of appointments that needed to be made, more tests that needed to be run, more stress and strain on mom. I was exhausted. I did each thing that needed to be done for Ryan. With a very understanding employer (thank you god for that!). But with the overwhelming stress, I broke. I made the biggest mistake! (well one of, trust me I’ve made more than a few mistakes).I had finally gotten my Uncle to take Roxy. We agreed it was temporary, and if it became too hard on us we could have Roxy back. I cried, and sobbed trying to back out before he even got her. But his daughter ‘coached’ me to think of what was best for Roxy, not be selfish, we could have her back whenever we wanted, or see her whenever. From here the story depends on who tells it. Bottom line is I screwed up and I lost my son’s best friend. My Uncle and his family grew too attached to Roxy (within days) and we cannot have her back. We tried to accept it reminding ourselves we could still see her. We even tried many times to change their minds. Which broke out a war between us and them. They lied, we can’t see our dog. And they think we’re awful people for fighting with them over…a dog. (the fact that they say that is crazy! Just give her back then!)

In the end….I LOST MY SON’S BEST FRIEND!

We’ve accepted we can’t have her back. (My Uncle is being a selfish old coot who should think more about his god-daughters son than himself…okay him and his family suck…just my 2 cents since I can put it where I want J)

I feel terrible. The stress of all this has upset my son so much, it has triggered his seizures again. which were under control… I MUST GET HIM A DOG!

I need help buying my son a new dog. We must have a boxer, that’s what we know and they really are the perfect dog! Besides the gas and their sometimes stubbornness, ha-ha. There’s the initial fee to purchase the dog, then the fee to spay or neuter the dog, shots, micro-chip, flea treatment, heartworm pills, and the kicker?? The lesson this mom has learned? I am going to train our new dog to be my son’s seizure alert dog. It will then be a medical necessity and we can take it wherever my son needs to be, even the hospital. Take that Uncle Rick!

I’ve set up an account with PayPal. If you would like to make a contribution to assist me in correcting my terrible wrong doing… The account for PayPal is allforryan@gmail.com.

Or you can send payments to Ryan Serrano 10-42, PO Box 98921, Lincoln NE 68509. Please make check payable to his foolish mom (Heather Serrano) so we can cash the check and apply the funds to the “My Mom is the idiot that gave away my best friend!” fund.

Thank you in advance,

A very sorry mom who needs to heal her son’s heart fast,