Why people spend so much energy trying to prove things with words, then forget the actions do more.
Deep down, I see where I went wrong. I saw flags, but I chose to take a chance. He was so pushy and needy, but maybe I’m just too independent? He fell for me hard and very fast. Well duh, I’m fucking awesome. “He’s so funny, we have so many inside jokes and our oddball sense of humor is identical” I told myself. “We never lose topics of conversations and we just click on so many levels”. Truth is, I did just like I used to. I ignored my gut, my sixth sense. It’s so hard when it warns me about everything and everyone.. yes it’s always right, I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.
How can I see this differently?
It’s not impossible for me to let someone inside my walls. To genuinely enjoy someone’s company. I can accept and enjoy someone else’s kids. I think I’m more excited about gaining an extended family than I ever thought possible. I can trust. It’s good that I am guarded. And it’s okay that I’m a homebody. And it’s true, I’m really fucking funny. And oh my gawd, I actually love having someone touch my feet. I had no idea how amazing a foot rub could be. And if someone ever shoots me in the eye again, throat punch that bitch because he ain’t for you anyway. Most importantly, I’ve learned just how much I have grown internally, processing disappointments and not falling apart. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Thank you for the lessons sir.