Goofball over stats and needs to know…..

Goofball blogger

Ok so I’m just quickly adding a little something for today. I thought I’d quickly share what a total goofball I was over my blog stats this week. So the highlight of my week resulted in me freaking out with excitement when I saw I had reached 52 views in one day! For some I’m sure it’s silly to get so excited over this but for a lady that likes to be heard, IT WAS AWESOME!!  Don’t judge me! LOL!

Then I realized…..

Wait a minute…I reblogged a few blogs from others on my page. Did my total go up to 52 in one day only because it counted how many went to my page and the other blogs? Or did I really get so much attention in one day? Can anyone help me out with an answer to this?

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A calm after the storm

The Storm Hit and stuck around for a bit

To sum things up, my family has been hit hard. The storm came and just stayed. It kept turning and moving and spinning. On numerous occasions I found myself dizzy from the whirlwind. Physically exhausted, mentally burnt, and wondering when it would stop hitting us with new blows. Just let up already! Hadn’t we survived enough storms?

Learning to find the Light

I’m learning to find peace and light in whatever little things I can. It’s to hard when I focus on the negative things. It’s scary and quite frankly there’s too damn many of them to think about. So I’m trying to focus on the things I’m thankful for. This doesn’t come naturally for me, I have to work at it. But I am starting to see the gifts and stay focused on them because it makes me feel better.

It’s Okay

For some reason things are okay. I say this shocked because I had “checked out” for a while. I didn’t focus on the parenting plans or behavior strategy’s. I didn’t even think about all the appointments I needed to make and all the things I needed to get done, doctors to follow-up with for my son. I just didn’t care, it was not in me. While my body got some much-needed rest, I cut myself off from the world. My kids saw that even Supermom runs out of juice. I didn’t harp on them about vacuuming, or doing their dishes. I didn’t notice if the litter box was getting scooped. I didn’t say a word when my son repeatedly left his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor, right next to the clothes bin. I stopped pointing out that someone left the shower curtain open instead of pulling it straight to make the bathroom look tidy. I didn’t get up before the sun to feed the pets and start laundry and frantically run around the house before I had to leave for work. I didn’t have my usual “to do” list to remind me “don’t forget to do this today!”.  I stopped shaving my legs, I didn’t bother with painting my toes, I can’t believe how many gray hairs I really have when I don’t color my hair. I just pretty much stopped everything. My body caved under all the pressure and I physically had nothing left to give.

I felt guilty about it. I know my kids hated watching me fall down and unable to get back up. I was SUPERMOM with super powers controlling our world, not anymore. I hated knowing they had to see it, day in and day out watching me in my self-pity. We all only told a select few at first, I was embarrassed that I was now “unemployed” and without a plan. But once I got past worrying about all of it, I realized something. Something I needed to know all this time. The world didn’t fall apart. Everything was still okay!

My kids picked up the slack. Sure they all took advantage of not having to follow the rigid schedule of chores. They enjoyed mom not complaining about who did or didn’t do whatever. Who can blame them! But you know what? They knew what things were most important and what things could sit and wait. The pets got fed, but I didn’t do it! Every now and then a load of laundry was done, magically. The house was picked up, we all got fed, and somehow it didn’t matter that I wasn’t controlling it anymore. That’s when I started to breathe.

I still constantly apply for jobs, but I can even do it from my phone now. These smart-phones are amazing, just miniature computers in the palm of my hand! Instead of sitting at the computer, I played fetch with the dog. I watched a lot of junk TV with the kids. I even read a little bit. I looked at every option and decided I’m going back to college. I’m already registered. And guess what, I’m not even sure exactly what degree I want and it’s still okay! See, I’m a planner. I have to know everything in advance, schedule for it, arrange all the details. I’m learning I don’t need to do that anymore because things still work out. Even when the plan changes, it all works out.

Now when I decided to bring some structure back it wasn’t an easy task. My son is a very stubborn boy. We played “bull” for quite a few days trying to see which one of us was going to outlast the other. It was not fun and I wasn’t sure I had it in me anymore. At one point I was ready to throw in the towel and I got a call from a great lady who sat on the phone with me, reminding me how I did it before and telling me it was okay I got off track. That’s life! It was the perfect motivator and rejuvenated me, and then I realized he was throwing in the towel instead. I didn’t go back to all of the lessons and strategy’s we recently learned. I did take pieces of them though and found a way to make it work. Eventually he stopped fighting me. The power of a cable TV is pretty darn strong. I learned that’s the key, at least for my son. I don’t sit next to him constantly redirecting him to clean his room. He just didn’t get the TV until he did what I asked him to do. Slowly I realized his fights weren’t such terrible battles anymore. He was learning it was better to just get it over with and do what mom asked. I wince at typing this for fear that I may ruin the progress. (Knock on wood Heather, quickly before it’s too late!)

Today I made my dear son pick up the mess in the living room. It was his after all. I keep the remote until he finishes the job. He needed to clear his dirty dishes, pick up the wrappers and re-organize the stack of DVD’s he took out. When he asked me nicely for the remote I just calmly reminded him “Sure, once you finish picking up the living room”. There is no caving in from me, at least not today. I checked the room before I gave him the remote. Something I always needed to do before, but was too exhausted from work to follow through with. Now he doesn’t waste my time with 10 trips of me checking to see he had not done anything yet. I just calmly ask “Did you get the dishes yet? And the trash? And those DVD’s got put back in the proper cases right?” That last one took him a little while. He just kept whining and pouting how hard it is and why should it matter if they are in the right cases if they’re just his movies anyway? I just simply answered the question, calmly stating “because I said so” at the end. Eventually, after about an hour, maybe two, he finally did all the steps, properly. And he was proud of himself. (and I am proud of us both!)

I write this detailed reminder not for other parents who may read this and need the tips. I write it to remind ME why it’s working now. I’m not frantically pacing the house to get all the chores done and stressing about all those papers I still need to get done at the office. I’m not stressed out because I still haven’t had the time or energy to organize the closet. My mind isn’t racing with 30 things I need to make sure gets done at work because I’m doing 3 people’s work while they get to relax watching YouTube, frustrated at the lack of concern the owner has about his own company. I’m not angry anymore about the lack of involvement and interest he had. I’m not stewing over the fact that the owner is an unreasonable and unappreciative jerk blowing me off every time I discuss logical and necessary changes to be addressed. Sigh…I was overworked, unappreciated and undervalued which contributed to a toxic work environment, I’m not dealing with that anymore. I’m not thinking which step of the new behavior strategy I forgot to follow through with either. I’m not stressing. I’m breathing. I’m calm.

I’m still in a storm, but I’m okay, me and the kids. I understand the term “calm after the storm” and I have faith that it’s all going to work out. I just hope I’m right.

Life Lesson #32912

Sometimes we need to be selfish and do something nice for ourselves. Let go of the guilt from doing it too!

Life Lesson #32812

Frame every so-called disaster with these words….

“In five years, will this matter?”

Life Lesson #3272012

Don’t compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

Dude….that’s my mom

Warning: some language may offend some by reading this….if that means you then read the next blog instead of mine because today I just don’t give a shit.

I’m learning all about becoming my children’s advocate. And as much as I hate politics, there seems to be a lot of that crap when it comes to school districts, policies, etc. This mom has grown tired.

~I’m tired of adults acting like children.

~I’m tired of my teenagers being given the freedom that even some adults shouldn’t have…and having to force people to let my god damn kids be kids!! Give them rules damn it!

~I’m tired of having to flag my emails to remind me to follow-up with some other jack-ass to make sure they did their job.

~I’m tired of having post-its of all shapes, sizes and colors all over my world because if I don’t remember to do it…well damn it just won’t get done!

~I’m tired of people trying to walk all over me. (I have learned to be the pain in their ass if I expect anyone to honor their words)

~I’m tired of having to prove myself to anyone that I am not one to mess with. This lady has learned, I’ve walked a million miles (not literally just that life has not been easy) and I know I have to work harder to get what is right…that’s the deck I’ve been dealt. And unfortunately some of you have been dealt the other hand in my card game…good luck, may the best player win.

~I am just tired.

Here is the letter I emailed to my daughters school dean, her teacher, the acting superintendent of the district, and the president of the school board. (because guess what…I am that fucking mom the suits warned you about….maybe my kids are right..I’m crazy.)

Mr. (fill in the name here: because truth be told I wasn’t trying to get this guys attention. I should have had his attention months ago. I copied the higher-ups to this email because I’m god damn tired of wasting my time to tell you shit heads how to do your fucking jobs!)

I appreciate you addressing my concerns with my daughter leaving the school for school activities without parental consent.

My daughter told me you spoke with her yesterday and explained she is to check with you before leaving school grounds during scheduled school time, and you will then call me to confirm if it’s ok. I think it’s important to clarify our conversation because this isn’t how I understood things. Last night at conferences I also spoke to Mrs.(teachers name here) directly and advised her as well.

My daughter is 15 years old and has NO reason to leave school property, especially without my consent. I am NOT and HAVE NOT given my consent for her to leave school to ride along with her friend to collect payments from business’s (for the school newspaper). Shouldn’t the school take better precautions? What happens if the student that is driving gets in an accident and my daughter gets hurt? Isn’t this why there is permission slips required from parents for a child to attend a field trip? Who is liable?

I understand there are responsibilities for the newspaper staff. But it does not take more than one student to go collect a check from a business, which could just be mailed. If it is preferred a student go to the business that would best be handled by a senior staff member.

I am extremely frustrated how this issue has been handled given previous problems. I hope this clarifies any confusion on your part

Signed,

that thorn in your ass that copied your boss to this email!

Now, I type on my blog proud as can be. Mind you tonight was day two of parent teacher conferences and lo and behold I had finally gotten the Dean’s attention. Mr Dean of the school was very kind and clarified understanding my rules and that things will be corrected. He agreed with all I said and even apologized for the lack of his attention previously, and to be honest he seemed sincere. He seemed sincere that he agreed my daughter deserves to be a kid for the last few years she has to do so. He seemed sincere when he told me they wish more parents were this involved. He seemed sincere when he told my daughter repeatedly “one day you will thank your mom for this”. Either he was faking which would mean he’s really a good liar) or he realized how much this mom loves her kids and how far this mom will go for them.

I know my daughter will read this and likely be upset and embarrassed “what if my friends see that!”. But given the fact that my kids are used to my obsessive determination, they might just laugh at me. Maybe even tell a few selected friends about it. I would prefer they be proud of me. Even for a second admitting in their hearts that one day they will realize how utterly and completely exhausted I must have been with life, and I still made the time to address issues regarding their safety and education….repeatedly when needed. Sigh… Well a mother can dream can’t she!

Regardless how my kids react to this post, I must be completely honest… I felt like a total bad ass tonight! Although I would like to think this means the school will take me more serious in the future, past experience tells me they seem to forget quickly.

So until next time…at least for tonight I can scream “SCORE FOR THIS MOM”!

And if my daughters friends give them a hard time, hopefully they will just say “DUDE!…….that’s my mom!”

(Inside joke…note to my girls: at least I’m not spitting popcorn at them like your crazy grandma!  I love you mom!)

Parenting a teen tips?

Things are so different now for my kids than they were for me when I was their age…How do you parent a kid and discipline them, ground them from electronics when they have access everywhere they turn! And these kids are smarter than the parents at using all the technology. How are we parents suppose to be a step ahead of them! Once I think I figured out how I realize I’m a fool and go hide in my room while I try to figure out how in the world I can beat them this time.

I never skipped class, NEVER! I was too scared of my mom (thank you mom!) I was that weird kid you knew that always did the right thing..always did what she was told to do, even if I hated it! Most people knew why, my parents scared the death out of me and I wasn’t ballsy enough to test them. But at the time I thought I was too cool and I’m sure I liked to think that’s what others thought.

My mom even says how I was the easy one, I didn’t give her any trouble. Mind you I lived with my boyfriend at 16 and worked two jobs while I went to school. I never went to a party. I never had a one night stand or slept around with all the guys on the football team. I didn’t get drunk, do drugs or smoke.

Yes, I lived with my boyfriend and his aging mother when I was just 16. But I still did what I was told. I went to school every day, on time. I got great grades and worked my butt off. I graduated high school a year early and started college at 17 with a scholarship. (then I got pregnant with twins but we’ll save that story for another crappy day)

But now looking back, now I realize what my mom meant when she warned me about giving up my childhood. She specifically told me she didn’t want me to miss out on school dances or clubs or friends. I was a teenager, enough said! I thought she was jealous of me and my devoted boyfriend. (HAHA! To this day she loves throwing this in my face, with good reason I guess.)

Now I sit here, 34-year-old mother of 3, divorced and lonely. I didn’t make those lifelong friends my mom talked about. I didn’t join any of the clubs. I didn’t go to one school dance. I lived like an old married lady. I went to school, then work, then home to watch movies with my boyfriend and our dog. Sometimes we’d go out for dinner, but that is really how I remember my boring teen life. Kinda regret letting go of the opportunity to live free without responsibility and party like a crazy person! 🙂

Now I have two, yes TWO beautiful 15-year-old daughters. They are great girls, I’ve been very lucky. They’re smart, talented, popular, active in school programs and yes they’ve been to a few dances. I hate checking their phones and Facebook accounts, but really there is just too much that could happen. I didn’t check, I trusted their judgement, the same mistake my mother made with me when I was their age…and my girls had gotten a little out of hand. No they didn’t get pregnant! (Thank god) But they both got their first ‘D’! They got disrespectful at times throwing their attitude around like they were in charge. They were totally self involved, one worried me more than the other. But just when you think things are okay, the other one throws a curve ball and the result is gray hair! I seriously have apologized to my mom for being a lazy selfish teenager who just thought the laundry washed itself, the pets poop disappeared in thin air, I assumed life was easier than my parents made it seem. I thought “I will be so much better than this! and I would never make my kids go through this!” Life has its way of throwing a heavy dose of reality at you when you think you know better. I guess life thought I needed ALOT of reality checks, but I’m learning to take them in stride.

What is my fear? That I won’t succeed in raising great kids. Kids that have respect for themselves and other. Kids that are determined and motivated to do good things. Kids that graduate from college and become successful in their lives. I want my kids to be better than I was. On one hand I did the right things, but at 18 I lost my focus. I got so wrapped up in my boyfriend I didn’t care about college or a career. I want my kids to stay on track and keep their goals in center stage! I don’t want them to miss out on making the right choices for their future. I am terrified that all our hard work will go down the toilet. I’m terrified some schmuck will walk in and light their world (temporarily) and they won’t care about anything else but being with that person. I’m scared they’ll screw up like I did. I want better for them. They deserve so much better. I hope they understand that’s where all my ‘slamming down the hammer’ is from, fear of the known. I don’t want them stuck in life. I want them to spread their wings and soar. Because they are amazing and I don’t want them to forget that.

Please my dear angels sent from above…don’t ever forget how truly amazing you are. And know that I am just trying my hardest to help guide you. And no matter what please know I never want you to leave. I want you to stay as those adorable 4-year-old girls with the Bronx accents singing “I pledge allegiance”, I’m still quite selfish I guess. It’s only because you are so awesome and I just want to protect you from all the hurt this world can do. Please don’t forget this.

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