Regardless if your fucking him or not, he should be especially cautious when your choking on what he served you. If he’s the one his priority will be honoring his words to you and making things right. Not getting laid by someone else and bragging about it.
Learn to forgive yourself for forgetting yourself. Love makes us vulnerable and sometimes we sacrifice what’s best for ourselves in hopes that this is part of the journey on the yellow brick road to happiness. And it always is, it just might not lead where you thought and sometimes you get stuck in quicksand. Learn that this is ok. Love can conquer all, but only with the one truly meant for you.
This may have been more for their journey than yours. You may have been the angel sent to poke and prod them into self reflection, learning to love themselves and how to really treat others. They may need to lose you so that they can grow. Unfortunately your sacrificing part of yourself, jumping in front of the bullet for them. This is an angels job and you were chosen for this. Time will heal the hole for you too.
When you show someone that you are a safe person, a safe haven for them, if they still choose to deceive you that is about them. Their insecurities, their levels of loyalty, it’s about their lack of strength. Don’t internalize this as something you did to cause it. Your not stupid or gullible. You are brave and strong for stepping into the lions den hoping to show them a better way. That is on them if they refuse to take your hand.
You will question and doubt them, as you should. But a leader understands people make mistakes. If they continue on the repeat cycle, they are spitting in your face and no-one deserves that.
You are amazing and beautiful, and flawed just like the rest.
It’s tempting to get even, to stoop down to their level. Instead you must rise above and be the person you are. Revenge is sweet, but it’s a dangerous game and even when you get points, it’s a temporary pleasure. Because you are a good soul you will regret the pain you caused even without their plays. If they roll the dice, let karma play that hand.
Did he fight for you?
I mean really fight for you.
Did he listen to what you needed?
Did he know the depth of your love and sacrifice?
Did he do what he said and give you what you needed?
Did he honor his promises to you?
Or did he continue sucking you into his darkness then blame you when you were hurting?
Then he didn’t fight for you at all. He pushed you away leaving you with no choice but to cut the rope he was hanging you from. Your worthy of love and happiness, even if he thinks you should have accepted his hand leading you to his dungeon. You can’t go there. That is no life at all.