Letter to him

You spit your venom as you call it. And when you said I was your forever, that was your venom too. Yes, I was different than the others but still the same. And you know what, none of us deserve it. You’re a special kind of twisted, sick in the heart and head, unable to see any of it as wrong. You treat life and people’s hearts like a game, and trust me when I say you will not win. You will not get the last laugh. You will not find happiness in this web you weave. And the saddest part is those beautiful girls of yours. You set the example for them, for what is normal and acceptable. They will find ignorant assholes just like you and think its love because of you. They will find lazy disturbed men uncapable of love, who trap them with venom and leach off their blood. The only hope they have is their mother and her boyfriend. Based on what you say about them, those girls are fucked.

What cuts like a fucking dagger is I knew better, god I knew better and I still believed you. Not because your so good, but because I was so lonely. You never showed me who you really are, you just pretended to be what I needed. The man I loved would have never boasted so quickly or started a new relationship so quick because he wouldn’t want to hurt me. God, all you did was beat in my head how you were still waiting for me because I was your forever. You were so scared I’d move on first and before you were ready to deal with that. You jackass, I wasn’t talking to anyone but you knew that. My plan was to work on our friendship first, like you convinced me. All you said was you weren’t even thinking about dating anyone, instead working on yourself so you could get us back. Jesus, that’s what made that hurt so much, seeing that picture. You just spit your words, saying whatever you thought would work, so you could stay here and be irresponsible and lazy.

See, I didn’t see this as forever over, not before that picture. At the least I did want my friend back. I knew in my heart the love we had for each other was real and deep, and our kids for everyone, I couldn’t walk away. But I couldn’t allow you to pull us into your demons either. My priority is my children and you knew what we had been through, I couldn’t allow that again. 

But as snakes do, you peeled your skin and broke my heart. You’re back on a one way ticket to rock bottom. And that’s painful to watch someone you love lose control. To be someone different, dark and evil. Maybe you got tired of pretending to be a good guy. That’s probably really why you have no friends and even your family loves you from a distance. Your fire burns them, like acid. You just don’t realize that some people refuse to get near the fire. And in the end, you lost your best friend, your only true friend. 

Maybe one day I will call you to move some furniture, but for now I hate you for hurting and disappointing me.

#toooldforthisshit #movingon #lettingyougo #fightyourdemonsalone #strength #lovemyselfmore #datingajerksucksass #willmissmyfriendthough

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