Reality is he is a liar and he did it purposely. His reason, to fool me. To make me believe he was something he wasn’t. To make me see him different than he was. He didn’t care that the lie would hurt me. He only wanted to look better-not be better.
He knew what I had been through. All the heartbreak I have survived. How terrified I was to fall again, to trust the wrong person. He knew I didn’t trust my own judgement especially with people. That’s what hurts the most. He encouraged me to believe, to believe in him. He didn’t care. He just wanted someone to take care of him. Lord knows when all his skeletons began to fall out everything unraveled. He would never be a person I could depend on. Who in the hell creates lies, pretends to go to work. We’re talking about a grown man, a father for christ sakes.
He was my best friend but I wasn’t his. And in the end he wasn’t really mine either because he did everything to push me away.
Every single day something comes out, either another silly little lie or a big one and every time I feel kicked in the gut. I believed in his picture, the one he painted to blind me. He convinced me to let down my walls. And the truth is I could accept that he was not a career person. That he was a job hopper, that he’d never have a pot to piss in. I could accept rare dates because his funds didn’t allow it. But the lies. All the god damn lies. Jesus fuck the lies. Everything out of his mouth. I’d rather be alone. Because a relationship with that is worse.
Accept it for what it was.
Absorb the lesson, let it sit on your chest for a minute.
Now move on, let it go and don’t look back. You deserve better Heather.