Hot mess

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Hot mess: a term used to describe me on more than one occasion. Shit, I’ve even said it.

Why?
Too many people let me down. Promised things as they lied through their teeth to say it. I wanted to believe them. My head knew better, but my heart needed it to be true. So I believed, with doubt and fear. Accepted things I shouldn’t have. I lost myself in the process.

Silence is powerful. It hurts and says more than words.

I deserve better. I’m done fighting for what isn’t. Maybe it once was, but clearly it’s not anymore. My heart pounds, I can’t breathe, my thoughts race, I accept less than I deserve, I hurt. Again, I hurt. I sometimes struggle to get through the day. What a hot mess I am.

Today will be what it is. Just as yesterday was what it was. And tomorrow will be a new day.

Breathe. Let go. Move on. Go outside and look at the sun. Lay in the grass.

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