As a kid I heard stories about how much my older brothers loved me and protected me. I got this happy feeling when I’d hear the stories. I would imagine being this little princess with warriors on horses standing guard by me. That changed as we grew up though. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel that loyalty though.
I am a very loyal person. I’m the type, if you hurt someone I love, you just as well hurt me. I took on others burdens. I felt I would get the same, I deserved it. But it’s never worked out that way. Even when I clearly did nothing but give and was given nothing back but pain…time and time and time again. Is it wrong to expect those closest to me to stand by my side? To say “you can’t be respectful to her so I got nothing for you”. I understand being civil, but going out of your way for that person? Why does that hurt me so much? It feels like betrayal.. am I just expecting someone else to fill those big brothers shoes? Is it wrong to expect that loyalty? Maybe I shouldn’t be giving that loyalty to anyone either? Maybe that is only to be given to myself?


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